Red Door. Unlock it.

 

red_door_2.jpgIf any of you used to watch The Original, then you must know about the Red Door by now if the show caught your interest till the second season. If not, well the Red Door is a “world” Elijah Mikaelson’s created for his victims to keep them separate from what is really going on in his life. Elijah Mikaelson is one of the five original vampire siblings in the tv series. He is portrayed as the perfect person, always making the right decision for his family especially for Klaus. He is also one of two siblings that fight to keep all the children together no matter what they do or say to each other. Julie Plec went far with Elijah’s reputation that even in the show he is always dressed in a nice suit and well-off shoes. Whenever he gets himself dirty you will catch him wiping himself right away to maintain that squeaky clean look he puts on. Season two episode twenty-seven is the first time we get to see Elijah unraveled because his mother opens the Red Door and reminds him of the vicious and evil things he has done to his loved ones and strangers in the past.

“If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.”

To Elijah, the victims he enclosed behind the door was not just a list of people he has harmed but it was a list of secrets he wished to forget. He did not want people to know about what he has done and what he was, which was a monster. This went too far, he grew up trying to be the opposite of what he is. If you were to observe him, you will actually think good vampires exist (if vampires were to exist) and not all of them are bad. Elijah convinced himself as well as everyone else that he does not harm humans and never have. All he ever wanted was to prove to the world that he’s a good person, he cares for humanity and is not like the other evil humans on this Earth. I think a lot of us wants the same thing as Elijah, well I did and still do at times.

Behind my, Red Door is not a pile of skeletons or those I’ve turned into vampires but I do have different types of skeletons. I have secrets of things I’ve done, thought, said or even desired. It might not be the same things you have behind your Red Door, but it’s worth the same, we both want to keep it shut tight with the keys thrown away into the deep blue sea. It’s worth lying to friends and family about, it’s worth maybe even missing out on great opportunities just because you/I  did not want people to know about it. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of people who hide their secrets because people will look at them differently or judge them. I obviously have that same fear of ruining the perfect image I have and having a flaw in front of others. Just knowing that the person you are talking to knows you have tried killing yourself makes you feel uncomfortable or them knowing you have reached some sort of base with a guy you were not serious with makes you feel inferior or publicly dirty.

I once had to talk to a teacher who is a psychologist about how I hate opening up to others because I fear they will think low of me or be disgusted by the real me. Those sessions did not last long because he was getting into my head and was actually knowing me, Helene, so I stopped going. This topic or issue always comes to my mind about how I put on different faces, identities because I just don’t know what the world will think of me if they knew the real me. Yeah, there was a bit of sarcasm in there because I think it’s a bit selfish to hold back who you really are due to fear. My friends use to tell me this in CEGEP (college), I get it now but I still try to hide myself. They told me and I believe it’s selfish of one to make other people lose the opportunity to actually meeting the real you. I’m not going to stay on that one advice too long because I find that it is the worst advice to give haha. It makes sense but you do not say that to someone who hates their self because to them they are actually being really generous to everyone by hiding who they are. So pity please, never ever say that to anyone at all, it’s not helpful, motivating or inspiring, it’s pure annoyance. It took me like 2 years to accept and understand it but that phrase still bugs me.

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”

Growing up I was raised in a Christian household and among my friends, I was known as the “goodie two shoe”, “the innocent one” or ” the good girl”. I felt like everywhere I was there was a title or an image to live up to. At home, I could not dare to swear or say my thoughts out loud because my mom was going to punish me, my siblings will rebuke me if it was not Christian like. At school, I felt forced to be a good girl because I was Christian and whatever everyone did I should not do. That really made me quiet because most of the time what I’m going to say is not what people expect me to say. Now that I’m grown a lot of my friends will still say I’m still a good girl and have done nothing bad compared to what they have done. I think people are not aware of what they say and how many times they say it because as a child my issue was “I can’t do anything” and now I’m older it is ” You haven’t done anything.” The assumption of others can also box you in, it can make you feel like there’s really no option for you because everyone thinks I’m this type of person.

For me to deal with that, was super annoying. Even if I felt like not making something a secret I will make it into one because to others it’s nothing. So even if you did talk to your friend about it they will indirectly put you down because to them they’ve done worst. Each person has their own definition of bad, what’s bad for you may not be bad for me. For example, nowadays people are going around making out every other day so if you tell your friend about you and a guy hitting 2nd base it will mean nothing to most people whereas to you you know it’s not right. We all have reasons we keep secrets and what I’ve learnt from keeping too many too tight is that you try to convince yourself that you did not do those things. You are perfect or you are bad, some people may be trying to show that they are not a nice person.

What I’m dealing with right now in life is, I’ve locked a lot of things behind the door and it’s starting to overflow. I ‘m starting to know my real self, what I find pleasure in, how I deal with anger and who I want to be surrounded by. The hard part is, I don’t have control over it and these things are just popping up because I’ve held them down for so long. I catch myself doing certain things and I will be utterly shocked because I did not know I had it in me and most of the times these things are the kinds of stuff I’m not proud of. So I take a hard blow from that but I’m slowly letting things out and dealing with them (more like letting God deal with them). Another thing I learnt is it does not mean I’m opening the Red Door I have to get a microphone and announce all my dirty laundry to everyone. It really just means accepting what I’ve done, coming to terms with and not doing it again.

I’ve caught myself listening to a few sermons and coincidently the messages I’ve been getting are (1) Be real. Be you with God. (2) You don’t always have to be happy with God you can complain and be real (3) Place yourself in the right place so God can work with you. I find that I needed to hear these because we forget that a lot, but that should be a different blog. Just to wrap it up, I think due to my own experience it’s best if you start being real with you and accept who you are and what you’ve done. No matter we will have secrets from other people but never hide anything from your own self. Sometimes what you learn about yourself will disappoint you but embrace it and change it into something better. It all really ends up with the real with yourself and God. 🙂

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