Venting So I Can Focus…

Heads up, if you found this blog and you are reading it then I’m impressed because I am not going to share this on my social media. This is only because it’s too close to me and I don’t want people I know reading it right now but I do still want people out there to have something to relate to or have something to read.

I just posted a blog called “Keep Going On..” it’s really all about me being honest about my latest struggle and how I’m literally going to get up and keep going on. In that post, I talk about how lately a lot of things been happening and I prayed to God “This is the worst timing for these things to happen. Are you not hearing my prayers correctly?!? I asked more of A and for B to stop but now I’m noticing B a lot more.” So this blog is actually going to talk about one of the situations because I feel like I need to take it out of my heart and off my mind. This might not be a good sign for someone because I only publicly talk about situations when I give up on it or I chuck my deuces up.

So, growing up I’ve always prayed on just meeting that one person or just getting an affirmation on “there is someone out there for you”. I just always had a hunch that I will never ever get married and so it was just something I literally prayed about because who likes that feeling.  Lately, I’ve been focusing less on guys and more on God, just feeling his love and his presence in my life. Somewhere along that short time, something happened and in the span of 2 weeks. My first reaction was “Okay cool…God, what kind of sick humour do you have?” I really did not know what to make of it because this situation was a guy and I had just made up my mind to not focus on guys till it was needed. Apart of me was like “Bruh! This is a temptation and it’s not a sign from God.” the other was like “Bruh! This is totally God’s doing!Hallelujer!” I eventually decided that either way I was not going to do anything, if it was a temptation it will pass and if it was and is a bigger plan from God he knows better so I will make Jesus take the wheel.

I’m going, to be honest, this is not a Christian rant/blog… I’m not going to be popping out verses anywhere it’s really me just saying “What the flipping wholly Molly cow is this!”  I’m not trying to find a solution haha this is me letting go and not looking back at that situation. I’ve just always been the type of chic where I don’t wanna know anything, don’t tell me anything, do not share your deepest feelings and thoughts about me, don’t do anything that will make me doubt our friendship because imma drop you, friend zone, ice age you really fast. I never really understood why my friends said “Helene you don’t look like the type of chic you tell “I like you” to” now looking back I get what they mean. If anyone shows any type of feelings I don’t stick around I will leave you hanging before you can complete your action or your sentence. It’s a bad habit lol because it’s not made up of innocence it’s really full of awkwardness and confusion. I just hate awkwardness so the best thing to do is drop and leave.

I personally feel different about this issue cause I kinda want to see where it goes and what the person was thinking. At the same time, I want to pull a Drop & Leave because I feel embarrassed, awkward, intrigued and confused. My brain is just telling me that no good can come from it and that I’m crazy so I should pull a Drop & Leave. This is exactly why I’m saying deuces to this whole thing like school just started I do not have time for this and my classes are hard and complicated. I do not want to be thinking which move I should do a Drop & Leave or Stay & Wait. Girls, you guys know what I’m talking about, one minute you’re deciding which move you should play and then you end up messaging the person “So do you like me or am I just going crazy?” and at that point you know you’ve gone crazy cause you actually sent that message.

I think, what I’m going to do is just let it go and that normally comes with freezing the person out. As I said before, I’m focusing on God and not on guys so I’m going to stick with it. If God has something in mind it will happen in his right time and in the best time. Yeah, I know should not freeze the person because it’s immature but I like to believe that it’s quite mature for immature people. Anyways, that’s what’s up with me haha…I’m going to focus & freeze 😉


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